OPINION

THE AFRICAN MARRIAGE ON A SECOND THOUGHT

Divorce, perhaps reported cases of divorce, seemed alien to the marraige institution in Africa until the sudden revival of feminism swept unchecked across borders. This is not basically because God designed something better for the African marraige or that Africans did anything special to fortify this sacred institution against this cancerous malignancy that has found a comfortable and flourishing habitation in Europe and the US. The only secret, on a closer look, that have kept the African marraige institution from falling apart seems to be tolerance. Tolerance is what the devil is subtly championing through the United Nations to destroy the liberating tenets of Christianity. That's by the way anyway.

It is, to a very large extent and more, tolerance that keeps the African couple together. The husband is neither fantastic or excellent but he is nonetheless accorded respect because he is believed to be the head of the woman and the home—that was even when what informed the behaviour was established norms and conventions, not scriptures. Today's modern and educated African woman will say, "Head my foot!" The educated woman may wish to know that, what Europe and America do not have is what they want the entire globe, particularly Africa, to lose. "Da bi mo se da," which can be implied to mean, be in my like fashion is Europe and America's ideology, if not worse, in this regard.

The African wife tolerates the husband because she believes, one day, the children will turn out to be successful in life and they will in turn provide and cater for her needs in the years after. This is usually encapsulated in a popular assertion by Yoruba mothers, "awon omo ni oko mi" (meaning, my children are my husband). By this assertion, they therefore look to their children, economically at least, where their husbands have not succeeded or deliberately failed. Thus, she tolerates beatings and abuse in diverse forms and varying degrees, just because of this. The abuses notwithstanding, if there is any social gathering to be attended, she still rocks a social uniform with her husband—Nigerians have come to refer to it as 'aso ebi'—for the occasion, cutting a perfect analogy of Fela's famous lyricism, "suffering and smiling".

Well, is sexual intercourse still involved? You never can say. For the African woman—it may not be exclusive to her—can satisfy the sexual desire of her husband even to the detriment of her body and sexual pleasure. If you have wondered why some of those marraiges last, I think it is tolerance rather than a supposed 'real/true love' that has been crowned the chief attribute that has preserved African homes. Other contributing factors aren't denied but they shouldn't be eulogised above tolerance.

You may wish to know if love exists in the nuptial. I wouldn't know! But I sure know that when marriage is contracted in Africa, up until recently, what the African woman tolerated was what built and sustained the marriage, period!